it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
a search helicopter?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
