Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
