respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
