He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
