he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
