this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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