I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
