so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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