my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
