My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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