Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
