According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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