There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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