so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
