Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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