I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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