What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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