there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
