I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
