I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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