The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
