She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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