All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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