You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
