If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
