dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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