just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
