Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
that is very illegal...i love you.
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