Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
