How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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