I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
