he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My breath smells like gin and sadness
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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