Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
