my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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