I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
