he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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