He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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