so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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