So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
