his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
