So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
