new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
