Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
