i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
