she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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