I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
