my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
