Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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