happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
