I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
