This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
